Ventilation

Look what you made me do...

Niggas don't understand me in the slightest. Can't expect them to, simple minds aren't supposed to comprehend complex things. Easy logic, correct?

I agree. And I agree so much, that I don't believe I should be mingling with these said "simple" minds. Yes, I am making a proclamation that I am better than you, him, her, it, them. I am better. Prove me wrong. Only thing you probably have on me is that I'm a mean person. Blah @ that argument. I know I'm mean... naw not mean. I'm realistic. The world isn't just roses. Life isn't there "for the taking". And love is a make-believe fable. Get real, pessimism isn't wrong -- it's just BETTER.

Look what I made for YOU!

Really though? I despise people that have their life just PLANNED out for them. To the FUCKING 't'. It's truly upsetting, not only because their path is set. But because they have no worries.

Example: my brother, Mr. Bitch. Mr. Bitch has coasted through life with an ailment known as autism. Thing is, his autism is high-functioning. So he's like every other human being excluding his short attention span and need for practice with SOME social cues. Mr. Bitch has been coasting through life (Mississippi, Colorado, Hawaii, Florida, Illinois) with this ailment with NO real big sign of hindrance. Oh no, there are faked problems though. Hawaii; the schools were 'too hard' for Mr. Bitch, so we HAD to move away. Ok, fine... I can see that. Florida; Mr. Bitch gets into a fight 20 days before our father retires out of the ilitary and gets his ass kicked. 'Mr. Bitch' gets bullied in Florida, so we HAD to move away. Hold the fuck up. Trick me once, shame on you; trick me twice, shame on me. Bullied? GTFO. So since we're catering to Mr. Bitch, let's just buy him whatever he wants! Let's excuse the bullshit of EXTREME magnitude he causes! Let's even excuse his lack of family values and morals at all for that matter! Let's just give him a free pass through life! Mr. Bitch has not worked a day of his life, but has a more stable income than me. Mr. Bitch sits around the house and eats the whole fucking pantry each day, but he gets whatever food he wants. Mr. Bitch finds himself in a dilemma similar to a situation I was in maybe a few months prior. But he is completely excused from it, and I was punished HARSHLY. Yes, it's fair. Mr. Bitch doesn't have to help pay for his college tuition, but I have to. I hope you burn in fucking Hell.

Knew if I paid my dues...

Free shit. Everyone seems to win free shit. Get free shit. Get gifts. Whatever the case. The shit doesn't make me salty, it makes me angry. It ties DIRECTLY into the free-ride shit. It just appalls me that I can get shitted on constantly by what some people call "fate" or "God"... or even "karma", and other people can be showered with "blessing" at all times.

I've bought presents for my family every year, birthdays and Christmas. I mean, even fucking Mother's/Father's Day. What do I get? Nothing. Funniest shit is, I don't get it from ANYBODY! Fuck, I take that back. Elisa has made a pretty strong case for the past two years to make sure she cheers me up. But other than that, nothing note-worthy. My grandparents forget my birthday. As do my aunts & uncles... DESPITE me sending their fucking kids shit. Man, maybe I should just shit on everyone so they can feel what I feel. "Oh, niggas forgot about me again? Maybe a card is in the mail, or they've been too busy for a phone call to give me some well wishes." Man, whatever. It makes a nigga feel SO unappreciated. Unknown almost. My parents don't acknowledge me on my birthday, pretty hysterical. Because they take the day off every year, almost as an excuse for a vacation day. My brother doesn't remember, nor gets me anything. Despite the 100-200 dollars I spend on him for his birthday 15 days later. You know, I wouldn't even need to be acknowledged on my birthday. How about just a, "Hey Noah, how are you today?" That would be nice. So a mother fucker would know he isn't just looked over.

How will they pay YOU?

Not well, especially when jobless. It makes no sense really. Over the past 2 months I have applied to about 300 DIFFERENT businesses in a 10 mile radius. I've gotten ONE call back. That was two weeks ago. Amazing shit.

Especially when I consider myself as a whole. I'm a phenomenal worker, I am rarely late (and only late if some emergency happens), I learn stupid quick, I'm efficient, and I have the personality. I mean what the fuck. I lose jobs to deadbeats, single-mothers, fat fucks, teenagers in high school, ex-felons, scrubs, and even senior citizens. It's getting to be a tad ridiculous. I'm stuck in this HELL HOLE of a house/location, with nothing to do now except stare at the wall and wait for about 60 more credit hours in college to magically fall under my belt. I am bored to tears, but I can't. Because if I cry, I'm about as homosexual as any of you faggots that claim to read anything I write. Only fucking remembered when I'm gone, shit makes no sense. Anyway, I just want a job. Give a nigga a chance. I have a silver tongue, I am blessed with the gift of speech and persuasion. WHAT ELSE MORE DO YOU WANT? Not to mention, I need to get away from this rat's nest for the majority of the day. I don't want to see these people. I don't want to be around them. School, work, sleep. That's it. Fucking not to mention, I'll be having to pay for my college tuition out of my pocket and Miles won't; seeing as how I'm the bastard son.

Fuck you.

I don't care who you are. Race/nation/creed, fuck you. Tip of the iceberg type of shit right here, and I'm sure I could classify you within 5 minutes of conversation. I hate you, and it's not an over exaggeration. TRUST me. Fuck you. If you're happy-go-lucky like certain Asians I know, or mellow like some fucking Hispanics I know, or even jittery like some coke-head Whites I know, fuck you. Being optimistic in my direction is not the fucking route to go, trust me. Especially when you say how great your life is, or how lucky you are that you got XYZ item. Or maybe you're complaining to me how HORRIBLE your life is along the lines of: having a job but you not liking the work, how your family doesn't understand you, or how your perfect relationship has a minor kink in it. Just DON'T do it. Not in my direction. Because I can assure you, my life is 20, if not 500x worse. Granted I'm not out on the street, but I guarantee being on the street it would be easier for me to find fucking food to scavenge than in this house... much less survival. I'm constantly blamed for everything under the sun, never believed, and fucking exhausted of shit. Don't tempt me, don't FUCKING comment. I'll be sure to hurt your fucking feelings. Understood?

Ok.

Fuck it, I'm joining the military.