Kappa

At this point I'm asking God, "Why?".

It doesn't make any sense. Why would He bring this back? I mean, who is fucking next? Going to bring Liz back to rub it in my face? Maybe Jocelyn? Nina? Alexia? Or maybe you'd bring Maria back, just to throw the salt on the wound.

Why not God? Why fucking not?

Tonight around 2:15 AM, I got a call from someone I haven't heard from in going on two years. I would've really rather preferred it to last forever. But no, wishful thinking always fails. I'm forever shitted on. This is no pity party, this is a historical recount of the bullshit God puts ME through.

Fuck your TESTS. Fuck your trials & errors. Fuck your recollections. And FUCK your way of thinking. Your whole style is bullshit. How about bringing a streak of KARMA my way? How about stopping all the bullshit "mapped out plan", and show me a clear goddamn sign that THIS shit you're doing now is going to stop VERY fucking soon.

Because when you bring me across an ex-girlfriend that HURT me, it's not all dandelions and fucking roses. ESPECIALLY when it's SANTANA. And for 3 fucking hours we discussed shit. And she talked about how she STILL has that letter, and STILL has that bag, and STILL STILL STILL has my number lying around. Is this some sort of twisted joke?

She left me for NOTHING. Even admittedly tonight said I did NOTHING wrong for that shit to happen. And what does she go do? Call me to ask how I'm fucking doing? For three hours?

WHAT SENSE ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE HERE?

Am I missing a link? Am I not fully comprehending the situation? There is TOO much emotion built up on this. It's been almost TWO YEARS NOW. Why make your presence known now? Why not make sure I'm fucking okay when you LEFT me? It takes you two years?

And you're EXACTLY right Santana. You're not normal at all for calling me to check to see how I'm doing. I'm fine, live YOUR life. We can't be friends. We can't talk. We can't even write each other. Because YOU demolished that with the shit YOU YOU YOU did. Not me, NEVER me.

I'm in the RIGHT here. It's NATURAL to resent what another person does to you, when it's of the CALIBRE you acted upon me.

Just LEAVE me be. Because you apparently can't love me.

And to the day I die, I'll know I was too good for you. At least to be true, in the fantasy world you live in. And honestly, in most women's. Yeah, most women's.

And now I'm sitting here, wondering when God will stop throwing curve balls. And thusly, when I'll begin to start expecting these pitches at ALL times. Because right now, I'm swinging and I'm steady missin'.

FUCK YOU God.

Fuck... man, why? Why YOU of everyone that can fuck me over?

Why?