Upsilon

Hi hypocrites!

See, mayn. I knew I was right to just cut people off for the remainder. But no, look what I did. Nigga went and tried to open up, and let people in the circle yet & still then only to get shitted on.

Eh, that's life I suppose.

Should've stuck to my master plan. But I'm too nice to stick to that shit. Fuck it.

Just for the record, mood swings aren't the case. I understand the mood changes, and you're like "wtf weren't you just chill like 5 hours ago?". Yeah, I was. Until I'm sitting in the backseat instead of the passenger. Like, you say you don't run your mouth about this & that. But then you proclaim you talk to C about it. Uh, what? You want me to express my thoughts, but you don't reciprocate. Uh, what? You say I have sick mood swings, but did you ever think it could be something effecting those actions. Nawl, you didn't.

Either or, I am extremely tired of it. It's like I'm sitting here with everyone expecting me to flip out on some shit, and I'm just chillin'. Then when erryone gets together in the circle and I'm on some exclusive shit, niggas call me this that and the third. Like my ears aren't burnin'.

Please B, please. Spare me this ONCE.

Sure, my mood did switch. Was it unprovoked? Notatall.

Why even bring up the whole exes ordeal? I am VERY aware I shouldn't be keeping any of them around. But if you hadn't noticed, or remembered from the various time I've expressed at least this. If there isn't a bare minimum of answered calls on my end, at least from Aliciana, I get 50 tons of bullshit I don't want to deal with. Do I want her back? No. She wants me back. Do I want to talk to her? LOL, fuck no. But I do it so I don't have to deal with the extra torments she has up her sleeve. Did I expect Santana to call me? No, but she did. I mean, c'mon. This is miniscule at best, and half of the reasons I even keep Aliciana around are justified by induction.

And now you're bringing up the break-up. Don't want to be around a dude that half ass wants to be with you, or not at all. Ok, there you have it. Everyone is SIMPLE to erase. In fact, It's just been done.

To be honest, I'm tired of the circle as well. But the story you fucking wrote to me through an e-mail was about a BLINDSIDE as my getting angry over shit you did last night and not telling you what happened. To be honest, shit was going to blow over due to the fact I can deal with it MYSELF. No, I don't need to explain anything to you. No, you don't have to explain anything to me. But god dammit, if things will be better just you over there, and me over here, so be it.

I'm really tired, and it's been a stupid long day so far.

I know I'm going to be talked about tonight, and the following weeks to come, but who really gives a fuck?

So when the ROADS shit drops, I'll look back on this and remind myself I need to open up my blogspot to all viewers for a week. I mean, if I'm still remembered then. I wasn't remembered last night, so I highly fucking doubt it.

Glad I watched Venture Bros. semi-alone. Even though Cecily was on the phone, that shit was bittersweet. I mean, it's been almost 7 years. I don't even know how she got my number. Maybe she's tied into the circle somehow as well? Either way, all we talked about was how great her life was. Like seriously, go kill yourself. Woohoo, you have a kid now with another dude. Congratulations?

I was going to fucking say something to remind myself, but I fucking forgot.

OH, Mai, you say you hate this little circle or whatever that is clearly present, but the people you most communicate with are in fact the stabilizing factors of this whole joint. I don't UNDERSTAND how you could say one thing and do another AT ALL TIMES. Maybe that's why I don't really open up to you, I mean honestly. I can't sit here and tell everything I truly want to say to someone with such ass backward viewpoints. Keep flip-flopping and you'll give Obama's stance on Iraq and occupational change a run for it's money.

ANYWAY, I'm done ranting. This is really just a fucking reminder. For when I do fuck up and call people like, "Yeah, I didn't mean to do that".

Because I truly do mean it this time. Peace EVERYONE.

Have a nice life, I'll see you on the flipside.